.how to help your girlfriend.

things girls need to remind their girls when they're too blind to see:

x. no guy would not enjoy being sandwiched between two girls who really wants them. yes, he may feel lost and confused, having to choose between the two. but fact is, whether they complain about it or not, they secretly love it. they love being wanted by two girls. its a super ego boost. especially when its between two hot girls.

so remind your girl: she shouldn't sit around, waiting for this loser to make up his mind between the two. dont tell her she shouldn't be with him, but she definitely shouldn't stick around during such time just to feed his ego. if he really likes her, she doesnt need to stick around him to remind him to care about her.

***
x. a girl needs to tell their girlfriends the odd things their boyfriend tells them. WHY? becuz when they're blinded, they dont see/realise how stupid half the things these guys say. somehow everything seem to make sense, even when it clearly doesnt!

so remind your girl: if it feels slightly weird/odd that their guy said what he did, discuss it with you. in detail (what led to him saying what he did/what was said before that) and in exact words and intonation. chances are, you'd see it better than them, and will be able to tell them exactly how he's manipulating their feelings for him for his selfish and greedy benefit!

one thing we always hear is that,

"girls are complicated."

because apparently we dont say what we mean and so on and so forth but to be honest, all girls really only want one thing and that one thing is really simple; not complicated at all.

we all just want to be loved; appreciated.

now,thats not complicated at all isnt it?

Girls,

the one thing that you must remember no matter what:

you must make sure you are HAPPY.

if he makes you happy and sad equally,its still not enough.

10 days of crying is NOT compensated by 1 day of "awww,he gave me a present / he said something so sweet / he did something so thoughtful" the person who said,"love hurts" didnt mean the person you love (and loves you) will hurt you for no specific reason.

he is leaving.

ok. here's the deal. boyfriend is leaving. no, not breaking up .. although there is no denying that it IS an option. what's your second choice? long distance (good luck with that!). now, the dilemma: when should he tell you beforehand that he will be leaving you?

the comparison: a year before OR 2 weeks?

i have made my choice. i pick a year before. sure, it's going to hurt like a bitch, counting down to that second he sets foot on that plane and you're left helpless, trying to hold on to every shattered fragment of your already bruised heart. tears start to flow like rain and you feel as though you're never going to smile again, ever. all you want to do is kick and scream like a child robbed of it's favourite toy. you can't breathe. your heart weighs like a million pounds. you wish you could close your eyes and bury yourself underneath the blanket of you and his memories together because that's the last safest place you feel and the next best thing to having his arms around you again. at the same time, feelings of anger and betrayal sets in. like a girlfriend of mine once said, "maybe that's how patients with terminal cancer feel like".

a year. what can you achieve? well, for starters, planning. the opportunity to sit down and talk about it together. discuss your options. long distance? how will it work? visits every end year? how often would you both call each other? basically the works on how you both will stay connected to each other during this period. now, ask yourself, what are you working towards? will one of you move to the other side eventually? is he coming back? talks of engagement perhaps?

and if you think about it, this time would allow both of you to mature: making decisions as one and ask yourself: why are you staying in this? is it worth it? do YOU want this and how far are you willing to push to make this work?

*** 'open' long distance? forget it. why bother staying together, i say.

and if somewhere down the line, you realise that you want to give up, then by all means, work towards it. sure it's going to be hard to move on especially with him still around but you know what? ironic as it may seem, his presence there still, will help cushion your fall. trust me on this. it will hurt knowing that he's still around but here's the good news: he WILL leave. the trick to letting go is do it slowly but properly.

so there. this is what you get with a year's notice.

and what do you get with 2 weeks notice?
a girlfriend of mine argues saying that you are relieved of the torture of counting down to him leaving. it's better to just get it over and done with as soon as possible. it hurts too much. and you know what? i understand. i really do, hun. but here's the deal:

1 year or 2 weeks, you are STILL going to feel the pain of waiting for him to leave, regardless. and on top of that, you go into shock mode. it's like throwing someone into the forest with toilet paper. you get used to it, but what happens when it disappears one day? if you knew you it was going to run out, you plan your alternatives. you slowly accept the fact you will have to live without it sooner or later.

and just so you know, going into shock mode is pretty dangerous. it's like being trapped in a stage where you haven't even begun to accept that fact but you're already seeking remedy. and in most cases, these remedies are found in the wrong places with the wrong people. (cue: red flag!)

so boyfriends, if you ARE planning on leaving your girlfriends to go overseas, let her know as soon as you make up your mind. and by making up your mind, i don't mean once you've bought your air tickets and cut your phone/ mobile/ electricity/ water rent/ bill, etc. i mean, once you're set, the phase before you execute your plan. at least 3 months notice, please. come on people, if you can't do it, what's the point of being one with someone else?

and again, 1 year OR 2 weeks?
1 YEAR, MOST DEFINITELY.

3 months.

post break up, that is.

we've all heard the usual. surround yourself with friends, family aka people who love you. invest your time in a fun / productive activity. put yourself out there, date around, random flings, backseat snoggings, start a diary (and then you realise that you've written that jerk's name at least 5 times per page) ... the entire works. and yet, after 3 bloody months of doing ALL that, you still find yourself back at square one. ok, not exactly where you started but just inches away from the starting line.

what do you do?
hmm. maybe, just maybe, that's not the question.
how about : WHY ARE YOU IN SUCH A RUSH TO MOVE ON?

take your time. everyone heals differently. the more you obsess about moving on, the more you surround yourself with hate for that ass. moving on is not a competition. why in the world are you trying to compete with yourself when that ass doesn't even give two freaking dimes whether or not you're able to move on the very next day post break up or 3 years later? rome wasn't built in a day and that's dealing with bricks and mortar. moving on is heavily driven by emotions, a very inconsistent variable, mind you.

i promise you. you WILL get there. you WILL get over him. but you need to accept that he's gone. that he's never coming back. like that famous book title, 'it's called a break up because it's broken'. people seem to forget that post break up is not about rushing forward, it's about slowing down. let your heart heal. yes, logic tells you to move on NOW. remember, your mind and heart are two very separate entities. the heart needs time to synchronise with the mind.

oh, and don't forget ladies, numbing pain is the worst.
sure, you fill your days with work and laughter. i'm not saying it's a bad thing, it IS therapy. but it's not the only pre-requisite to moving on. cry, get pissed, scream if you must (don't piss people off in the process, ofcourse). otherwise, you're only creating a ticking bomb out of yourself. hiding it, doesn't make the pain disappear. can you imagine what would happen the next second you get thrown in another heartache? that's DOUBLE the pain you're carrying.

someone once said to me, "the only reason you're not moving on is because somehow deep down, you're not really letting go". so, ask yourself, what is it and slowly accept that you need to let it go. let go ...

When is the right time?

when your friends seem to care for you more.
when you feel happier when you are by yourself.
when each time you talk to him,he makes you mad.

is it time to break up?

lesson learnt

i recently got out of yet another one of those blah relationships. you know, the type that you try to convince yourself wasn't a waste of time because it taught you something. *pfft*

so here's what i have to say about my most recent break up.

follow your heart. that really is all that matters. dont try to analyse him. dont sit around with your girlfriends to disect his pros and cons, or his likelihood to being worthy, or how great he might or might not be. if you like him, and he likes you to, go for it. (unless he's a serial murderer or rapist or etc - i trust that you're not stupid)

people may not understand, but they really dont have to. even you dont have to. just feel it.

the reason for the above is because you can never know whether he's right until you try. fact is, the right guy for you can come in any form, size, shape, or type. dont restrict yourself to what you think is right for you, or what your friends/family thinks is right for you, cuz nobody knows.

i think i now understand why some couples who seem mismatched in my eyes can still live happily ever after. because they allowed themselves to love what they love, rather than love what they're suppose to love.

correct me if im wrong, bu i think im making sense.