one thing we always hear is that,

"girls are complicated."

because apparently we dont say what we mean and so on and so forth but to be honest, all girls really only want one thing and that one thing is really simple; not complicated at all.

we all just want to be loved; appreciated.

now,thats not complicated at all isnt it?

Girls,

the one thing that you must remember no matter what:

you must make sure you are HAPPY.

if he makes you happy and sad equally,its still not enough.

10 days of crying is NOT compensated by 1 day of "awww,he gave me a present / he said something so sweet / he did something so thoughtful" the person who said,"love hurts" didnt mean the person you love (and loves you) will hurt you for no specific reason.

he is leaving.

ok. here's the deal. boyfriend is leaving. no, not breaking up .. although there is no denying that it IS an option. what's your second choice? long distance (good luck with that!). now, the dilemma: when should he tell you beforehand that he will be leaving you?

the comparison: a year before OR 2 weeks?

i have made my choice. i pick a year before. sure, it's going to hurt like a bitch, counting down to that second he sets foot on that plane and you're left helpless, trying to hold on to every shattered fragment of your already bruised heart. tears start to flow like rain and you feel as though you're never going to smile again, ever. all you want to do is kick and scream like a child robbed of it's favourite toy. you can't breathe. your heart weighs like a million pounds. you wish you could close your eyes and bury yourself underneath the blanket of you and his memories together because that's the last safest place you feel and the next best thing to having his arms around you again. at the same time, feelings of anger and betrayal sets in. like a girlfriend of mine once said, "maybe that's how patients with terminal cancer feel like".

a year. what can you achieve? well, for starters, planning. the opportunity to sit down and talk about it together. discuss your options. long distance? how will it work? visits every end year? how often would you both call each other? basically the works on how you both will stay connected to each other during this period. now, ask yourself, what are you working towards? will one of you move to the other side eventually? is he coming back? talks of engagement perhaps?

and if you think about it, this time would allow both of you to mature: making decisions as one and ask yourself: why are you staying in this? is it worth it? do YOU want this and how far are you willing to push to make this work?

*** 'open' long distance? forget it. why bother staying together, i say.

and if somewhere down the line, you realise that you want to give up, then by all means, work towards it. sure it's going to be hard to move on especially with him still around but you know what? ironic as it may seem, his presence there still, will help cushion your fall. trust me on this. it will hurt knowing that he's still around but here's the good news: he WILL leave. the trick to letting go is do it slowly but properly.

so there. this is what you get with a year's notice.

and what do you get with 2 weeks notice?
a girlfriend of mine argues saying that you are relieved of the torture of counting down to him leaving. it's better to just get it over and done with as soon as possible. it hurts too much. and you know what? i understand. i really do, hun. but here's the deal:

1 year or 2 weeks, you are STILL going to feel the pain of waiting for him to leave, regardless. and on top of that, you go into shock mode. it's like throwing someone into the forest with toilet paper. you get used to it, but what happens when it disappears one day? if you knew you it was going to run out, you plan your alternatives. you slowly accept the fact you will have to live without it sooner or later.

and just so you know, going into shock mode is pretty dangerous. it's like being trapped in a stage where you haven't even begun to accept that fact but you're already seeking remedy. and in most cases, these remedies are found in the wrong places with the wrong people. (cue: red flag!)

so boyfriends, if you ARE planning on leaving your girlfriends to go overseas, let her know as soon as you make up your mind. and by making up your mind, i don't mean once you've bought your air tickets and cut your phone/ mobile/ electricity/ water rent/ bill, etc. i mean, once you're set, the phase before you execute your plan. at least 3 months notice, please. come on people, if you can't do it, what's the point of being one with someone else?

and again, 1 year OR 2 weeks?
1 YEAR, MOST DEFINITELY.

3 months.

post break up, that is.

we've all heard the usual. surround yourself with friends, family aka people who love you. invest your time in a fun / productive activity. put yourself out there, date around, random flings, backseat snoggings, start a diary (and then you realise that you've written that jerk's name at least 5 times per page) ... the entire works. and yet, after 3 bloody months of doing ALL that, you still find yourself back at square one. ok, not exactly where you started but just inches away from the starting line.

what do you do?
hmm. maybe, just maybe, that's not the question.
how about : WHY ARE YOU IN SUCH A RUSH TO MOVE ON?

take your time. everyone heals differently. the more you obsess about moving on, the more you surround yourself with hate for that ass. moving on is not a competition. why in the world are you trying to compete with yourself when that ass doesn't even give two freaking dimes whether or not you're able to move on the very next day post break up or 3 years later? rome wasn't built in a day and that's dealing with bricks and mortar. moving on is heavily driven by emotions, a very inconsistent variable, mind you.

i promise you. you WILL get there. you WILL get over him. but you need to accept that he's gone. that he's never coming back. like that famous book title, 'it's called a break up because it's broken'. people seem to forget that post break up is not about rushing forward, it's about slowing down. let your heart heal. yes, logic tells you to move on NOW. remember, your mind and heart are two very separate entities. the heart needs time to synchronise with the mind.

oh, and don't forget ladies, numbing pain is the worst.
sure, you fill your days with work and laughter. i'm not saying it's a bad thing, it IS therapy. but it's not the only pre-requisite to moving on. cry, get pissed, scream if you must (don't piss people off in the process, ofcourse). otherwise, you're only creating a ticking bomb out of yourself. hiding it, doesn't make the pain disappear. can you imagine what would happen the next second you get thrown in another heartache? that's DOUBLE the pain you're carrying.

someone once said to me, "the only reason you're not moving on is because somehow deep down, you're not really letting go". so, ask yourself, what is it and slowly accept that you need to let it go. let go ...

When is the right time?

when your friends seem to care for you more.
when you feel happier when you are by yourself.
when each time you talk to him,he makes you mad.

is it time to break up?

lesson learnt

i recently got out of yet another one of those blah relationships. you know, the type that you try to convince yourself wasn't a waste of time because it taught you something. *pfft*

so here's what i have to say about my most recent break up.

follow your heart. that really is all that matters. dont try to analyse him. dont sit around with your girlfriends to disect his pros and cons, or his likelihood to being worthy, or how great he might or might not be. if you like him, and he likes you to, go for it. (unless he's a serial murderer or rapist or etc - i trust that you're not stupid)

people may not understand, but they really dont have to. even you dont have to. just feel it.

the reason for the above is because you can never know whether he's right until you try. fact is, the right guy for you can come in any form, size, shape, or type. dont restrict yourself to what you think is right for you, or what your friends/family thinks is right for you, cuz nobody knows.

i think i now understand why some couples who seem mismatched in my eyes can still live happily ever after. because they allowed themselves to love what they love, rather than love what they're suppose to love.

correct me if im wrong, bu i think im making sense.

The Fundamentals

-the fundamentals

what is a relationship?
two people who promises to stay true to each other and not be with anyone else.be boyfriend and girlfriend.

what is an open relationship?
be boyfriend and girlfriend with exceptions.you're still together as a couple but its totally appropriate to screw around.

what is "just seeing each other" ?
the labels boyfriend and girlfriend are taboos.you're not together but you do things that people who are together do without the commitment and strings attached.

what is FWB / FB? {Friends With Benefits / F*ck Buddies}
two people who are either friends or acquaintances that can do things that couples do without any real emotion, communication and yada yada. (whatever else there is people are so fed up of to allow themselves to get so low)

what is Marriage?
a vow to God that you and your partner will be loyal to each other in sickness and health, good times and bad...yada yada.be husband and wife.

what is an Open Marriage?
a vow to God that you and your partner will...what? live together but its okay for either husband or wife to go out and screw someone else?

...what is an apple?
a fruit.

what is an Open apple?
a fruit.

i dont know what/how the modern world works. i dont know if "the modern woman" of today actually approve of being in these kinds of deteriorating situations. as a female, i can honestly say it doesnt matter what year i am born in, early 70's or late 90's i WANT a relationship thats only me and my partner.no exceptions - a real closed relationship. i want an apple thats whole.

what is a Boyfriend?
the male.whose more important and holds greater expectations compared to all the other guys out there.he is a person who is able to let you be who you are, let you be independent but will always assure you that he will be there to catch you if you ever fall.he is the person who walk through fire to make sure he's there and cheering you up when life gets you down.

he is there to shoo away people who poses you a threat. he is the one who forgets about his ego and cooks for you because your hungry.he is the one who spends 5$ to play a crummy game just so he can win you a soft toy at carnivals.he is the one who will love you and make you feel special.

what is a Girlfriend?
the female.who the boyfriend prioritizes more than anything else in his life.(with the exception of family) she is there by his side whenever she can, even if more than half the time she's quiet.she is the one who will let him talk loudly at her when in front of his friends and then erupts on him when they are alone. she is the one who sits down happily and waits for the boyfriend to bring her food.she is the one telling herself,"i'm the luckiest girl on earth" when the boyfriend buys her things,says something sweet or do small gestures that melts her heart.

she is the person who cant sleep at night when the boyfriend is sick, she is the one who might never cook but goes out of her way to make something healthy for the boyfriend.she is the one who spends half a day thinking about the boyfriend.she is the one either calling the boyfriend too often or waiting for him to call too often.shes the one laughing and nodding to jokes and stories the boyfriend tells but dont find it funny or amusing.she feels safer,loved and special.

"she feels safer,loved and special."
that's what a girlfriend SHOULD feel.thats why people get into relationships!to be able to say,"hes mine!" or "shes mine!" feel safe, loved for who they are without having to fight for it and at the end of it all, special because of everything the boyfriend does.

NOT - telling herself, "we're in an open relationship,so he can go do the same things with girls out there. i'm fine with it."

Bake Your Own Cake!
a relationship is NOT an obligation. you can go your whole life without being in a relationship and nobody will punish you so why do people make so many alternatives for a relationship? its like Going to School, people find alternatives like home schooling and e-education. thats fine because education is an obligation but remember! relationships are not. if you dont want what a relationship, then dont.

dont try getting yourself in "open relationships" or get FWBs just so you can have your cake and eat it too. if you want a cake, BAKE YOUR OWN! you want it sweet? put in more sugar. you want it bigger? add more eggs, more flour. if it burns? its only because you left it in the oven for too long and baking a cake isnt something people are successful at the first time around. you're gonna waste flour and a lot of time because you're first cake might taste horrible or it cant rise up into a real cake, it might be lopsided. one day, with persistence, you WILL succeed.

when you do,the feeling you get is so empowering. good things in life dont come easy.open relationships, FWBs, open marriages...their the things cowards do.the people who are bound to fail because they dont even try.so "modern people" of today, is that what you want? is that what you've become? because its a damn shame.