The Fundamentals

-the fundamentals

what is a relationship?
two people who promises to stay true to each other and not be with anyone else.be boyfriend and girlfriend.

what is an open relationship?
be boyfriend and girlfriend with exceptions.you're still together as a couple but its totally appropriate to screw around.

what is "just seeing each other" ?
the labels boyfriend and girlfriend are taboos.you're not together but you do things that people who are together do without the commitment and strings attached.

what is FWB / FB? {Friends With Benefits / F*ck Buddies}
two people who are either friends or acquaintances that can do things that couples do without any real emotion, communication and yada yada. (whatever else there is people are so fed up of to allow themselves to get so low)

what is Marriage?
a vow to God that you and your partner will be loyal to each other in sickness and health, good times and bad...yada yada.be husband and wife.

what is an Open Marriage?
a vow to God that you and your partner will...what? live together but its okay for either husband or wife to go out and screw someone else?

...what is an apple?
a fruit.

what is an Open apple?
a fruit.

i dont know what/how the modern world works. i dont know if "the modern woman" of today actually approve of being in these kinds of deteriorating situations. as a female, i can honestly say it doesnt matter what year i am born in, early 70's or late 90's i WANT a relationship thats only me and my partner.no exceptions - a real closed relationship. i want an apple thats whole.

what is a Boyfriend?
the male.whose more important and holds greater expectations compared to all the other guys out there.he is a person who is able to let you be who you are, let you be independent but will always assure you that he will be there to catch you if you ever fall.he is the person who walk through fire to make sure he's there and cheering you up when life gets you down.

he is there to shoo away people who poses you a threat. he is the one who forgets about his ego and cooks for you because your hungry.he is the one who spends 5$ to play a crummy game just so he can win you a soft toy at carnivals.he is the one who will love you and make you feel special.

what is a Girlfriend?
the female.who the boyfriend prioritizes more than anything else in his life.(with the exception of family) she is there by his side whenever she can, even if more than half the time she's quiet.she is the one who will let him talk loudly at her when in front of his friends and then erupts on him when they are alone. she is the one who sits down happily and waits for the boyfriend to bring her food.she is the one telling herself,"i'm the luckiest girl on earth" when the boyfriend buys her things,says something sweet or do small gestures that melts her heart.

she is the person who cant sleep at night when the boyfriend is sick, she is the one who might never cook but goes out of her way to make something healthy for the boyfriend.she is the one who spends half a day thinking about the boyfriend.she is the one either calling the boyfriend too often or waiting for him to call too often.shes the one laughing and nodding to jokes and stories the boyfriend tells but dont find it funny or amusing.she feels safer,loved and special.

"she feels safer,loved and special."
that's what a girlfriend SHOULD feel.thats why people get into relationships!to be able to say,"hes mine!" or "shes mine!" feel safe, loved for who they are without having to fight for it and at the end of it all, special because of everything the boyfriend does.

NOT - telling herself, "we're in an open relationship,so he can go do the same things with girls out there. i'm fine with it."

Bake Your Own Cake!
a relationship is NOT an obligation. you can go your whole life without being in a relationship and nobody will punish you so why do people make so many alternatives for a relationship? its like Going to School, people find alternatives like home schooling and e-education. thats fine because education is an obligation but remember! relationships are not. if you dont want what a relationship, then dont.

dont try getting yourself in "open relationships" or get FWBs just so you can have your cake and eat it too. if you want a cake, BAKE YOUR OWN! you want it sweet? put in more sugar. you want it bigger? add more eggs, more flour. if it burns? its only because you left it in the oven for too long and baking a cake isnt something people are successful at the first time around. you're gonna waste flour and a lot of time because you're first cake might taste horrible or it cant rise up into a real cake, it might be lopsided. one day, with persistence, you WILL succeed.

when you do,the feeling you get is so empowering. good things in life dont come easy.open relationships, FWBs, open marriages...their the things cowards do.the people who are bound to fail because they dont even try.so "modern people" of today, is that what you want? is that what you've become? because its a damn shame.

who do you wanna be?

my dear men,

it has come to our attention that nowadays, you are allowed to throw fits and to have extra sensitive feelings and emotions that we cannot 'hurt'. we are also now aware that you expect us to pick up on the slightest change of mood, tone of voice, random sighs and unusual looks of discomfort by looking into your eyes.

but here's the deal. if you wanna be the newage hyper-sensitive guy, be prepared to lose the old cliche excuses that guys love so much. excuses such as 'men don't notice those things' and 'men dont understand why women do/think/say things like that' so on and so forth just wont work anymore.

the logic -

if you wanna show traits of being so in touch with your emotions, you've lost the privilege of being the ignorant men.

if you can be sensitive enough to notice and be so adamant about your 'hurts' that we've caused, and have the balls to be verbal to us about it, its only normal that we'd expect you to be sensitive enough to notice ours.

so pick a side, or be welcomed to our world and everything that comes with it.

dont know what to think.

probably shouldn't post something when one is feeling emotionally unstable. at the same time, this could be the best time to post because everything feels so fresh in your mind. ok, here's the deal -

if your boyfriend cheated on his girlfriend (who is someone he hooked up with on the internet while pending their first everything) to be with you, what are the chances that he would cheat on you when he finally does meet this virtual-became-reality girl, while you're overseas?

the above may sound like a soapie, but sadly, this soapie is currently happening to moi.

and how much of your gut instinct can you trust?
and how much weight do u give to the little things?

like... how he does not tell you as much about the things he's been upto;
like... how he becomes selective when he answers your questions about that girl;
like... how he doesn't initiate phone conversations anymore;
like... how he decides to quote lines like "I'm a realist. I'm a romantic. I'm an indecisive, piece of shit";
like... how he decides to go out with her and conveniently not tell you about it until you have to ask him twice about it (mind you, i was nice and did not appear threatened the first time he told me he did);
like... how you just can feel that he sends you short messages like "i miss you sexiness" as an obligation, rather than something he truly means;

like... how you have been feeling very disconnected from him even before he "confessed" that he saw her again...?

as much as one wishes not to think about the things above, how can they not if they still care about the relationship?

and how do you sleep at night when you know you cant ask him about it now, in fear that you'd be labelled the irritating and needy and jealous girlfriend, while he's conveniently around the arms of his virtual-turned-reality ex girlfriend? (who still wishes to have a piece of him, mind you)

and not forgetting, when you have a constant reminder that 3 months ago, she was the irritating, needy and jealous girlfriend (as he calls her) while you were the one who was conveniently around! need i remind you how that turned out?

wth. i am so losing my cool.
and i know one way, the only way, to regain my compulsure.
and im not afraid to use it.

the break.

what happens when you're trapped in a relationship where your guy says 'go on girl' when it starts to rain? it's all smiles and giggles until you hear the thundering of sound of a storm up ahead. how is it possible that one can push a loved one away so easily when something bad comes up? and to what extent is that okay? and mind you, this isn't a 'go away and leave me alone for a day' kind of shoving. it's a 'racheal and ross' kind of break.

i'd imagine it would be ok if he just needs a few days off and of course ladies, we've all been there esp when it's our time of the month when we just need to be left alone. but when a guy can easily conjur up a solution as to having a break... it's heartbreaking. it makes one feel like the other has become a burden. someone told me that there is a fine distinction between dealing with one's problems and keeping a loved one at arm's length to deal with it.

and then there are pathetic girls who still put up with it and stay by their boyfriend's side despite being already kicked temporarily out of his life. i'd be happy for you if it all works out now, but what happens when he's going through another issue in the future? you can't help but wonder, will you be left out in the cold again?

one advise i received from a friend is: ask your man, what exactly is this break suppose to achieve? and work from there.

but if the real reason he is doing this is to cushion the final fall, the official break up, then you can bitch slap him all the way to antartica for all i care. he doesn't deserve you, not one bit because that's just cruel.

we dont want to be adored; we want to be loved.

recently talked to a friend (boy) who has recently found out his ex-girlfriend has recently started dating someone new. someone nicer, sweeter and the total opposite of him. we spent hours and hours chatting about how upset and how much he regrets the way he treated his ex-girlfriend and he kept asking for advise on how to get her back. he claims that what they have is so special. love;thats what he called it.

of course i felt bad for the guy, hes lost someone he really cares about and he has to see them be totally happy together. sort of like having it rubbed onto his face some more. then he says some things that has been stuck on my mind since. he said he regrets not prioritizing her more, he says that he never spent more time with her and the reason he did that was at the back of his mind he just thought she would never leave him. he took for granted that she loved him unconditionally and i can tell, she did. i know both parties and i can say that she really loved him unconditionally but she just got to a point where enough is enough.

then he justifies that he really loved her and its not because he didnt care enough for her for him to spend more time with her, talk to her more and/or prioritized her more. its because...and i quote, "sometimes boys get busy with things like friends, sports or whatever and we just forget about our girlfriends." and he quickly added, "its not because we dont care for them enough, we love our girlfriends but its just...sometimes we forget." is that really true? how can you get involved in something (anything at all) to the point where you forget about your girlfriend? forget to call her or text her. are men and women really that different?

i know for a fact, no matter how busy a female is. her boyfriend is always in her mind somewhere and in the midst of chaos, she would still be able to pick up the phone and call just to say that shes thinking of him. its so easy but why is it so difficult for males to do the same?

if that is true, it they really can just forget (they love us but they cant help but forgetting about us) what are we females suppose to do? do we accept the fact and never voice up when they are busy and forget to call us?

heres what i think:
from another thing my friend said to me, "sometimes we have to be reminded."(which i think is so foolish because if you love someone and really care for them, you shouldnt have to be reminded to keep in contact with them but thats besides the point.) so my answer is yes. yes to voicing up, letting them know or reminding them.."hey! i know you're busy but i'm still here." because i've noticed, no matter how secure or stable a relationship is both parties have got to say "i love you/i appreciate you/i miss you/i care about you" often enough because (even though words are just words) they mean so much.

and if the males arent aware of that fact, ladies! we have to make it clear because even though we want to give them the benefit of a doubt, sometimes their just so incredibly clueless...and another thing that my friend said."i really didnt know what i got till i lost it and now i feel so helpless." we've got sometimes remind the boys, they can lose us any second and they should never take us for granted. so ladies, as much as you love your boyfriends and want to make them feel just as loved...its so important to sometimes make them feel a little bit insecure just so they know they should take us for granted and hold on to us a little tighter. we've got to have our tactics to make sure we are loved the way we are suppose to, the way we deserve to because we do. dont you ever question that.

Too Much?

in a relationship,when do you know if you need more together time or when do you know if you need more alone time? should it be a problem if too much time is spent together? and why? thats a little hard to be justified but its obviously a problem if too little time is spent together but how much is too little?

this or that.

i don't know which is worse. being in an official relationship and not feel like being in one .. or NOT being in an official relationship but feel like it.