Too Much?

in a relationship,when do you know if you need more together time or when do you know if you need more alone time? should it be a problem if too much time is spent together? and why? thats a little hard to be justified but its obviously a problem if too little time is spent together but how much is too little?

this or that.

i don't know which is worse. being in an official relationship and not feel like being in one .. or NOT being in an official relationship but feel like it.

who do you love?

i can't stress it enough. be with someone who appreciates you. who wants you. who needs you. who willingly lets you in.. and if possible, be with someone who is more likely to love you more than you love them. and by saying this, i don't mean that you don't really love them. it's just, that you know deep down that he is your sun, moon and stars, but you are his universe.

the brave one

heres a random thought; you know how in movies or fairytales - in inspirational love stories and all that. people give up their whole world, they go against the will of others {family included} they do everything in their power when they think they have met the ONE to stay together. to fight wars together to get through every bad thing that they will encounter. they confide everything in each other; they throw their whole worlds away just so they can build one with just each other. its all really epic and great but what if one day they realise their not meant for each other?

how many of us are brave enough to risk everything they have for love? what happens to the few who do and find out it was a risk not meant to be taken?

where does the love go?

carrie from sex and the city once asked, "when a couple breaks up, where does the love go?" and someone replied, "to their next girlfriend".

would that mean then that guys recycle their feelings? nah, doubt it. should probably give them more credit than that. i reckon guys do think of their past but they don't analyse it.. or obsess about it much. we girls, however, tend to over question it. how, where and why it went wrong. believe me, we could come up with a thousand reasons and would still be able to find another 10 000 reasons.

which brings me to my next question.

girls reminisce. i'm not sure whether it's part of the healing process or it could mean you're simply just not over your ex yet (and it's a bad idea to surrender yourself to such memories). but what about guys? do guys think of their ex girlfriends? and if so, how often? do they take the easy route and just put a huge ass plaster over it so they don't have to deal with the wound face to face but knowing that it'll heal in time? or could they possibly even just don't deal with the past, period? should what's over be left over and done with?

hmm. i guess there's no general answer to the question. everyone deals differently. everyone's break up is different. but in the end, we all move on. eventually. and maybe that's what we should focus on. as for memories, it's ok to look back once in a while. i mean after all, they are what made us and brought us here today. but i say no to deleting them. set them aside instead, for new memories to happen.

the ex.

so rarely have i found a song that so coincides with EXACTLY how i feel at the moment. and that song for me right now is marit's (of m2m) "under the surface".

she sings about how a girl feels content with her new found love. doubting that he could be real. and most importantly, keeps wondering his ex: comparison.

it's bad. it's the worst thing ever to feel this way. one might even call it self-abuse, really. i mean come on, the guy is already with you. he chose to move on with you. he left his past. he loves you NOW. and that should be all that matters. and yet.. why. why do girls compare? i guess it's human nature to. comparing is healthy sometimes. it teaches you a thing or two. if in the past you had a guy who would go that extra mile for you.. and this new guy can't, then obviously, you're not settling for what you could achieve.

but it's a whole different story now. you're the one doing the comparison. you become the one being compared to. well technically, you don't know that. do guys even compare really? we'll never know. so what do girls do? they take it in their hands to make the comparison to their guy's ex. not all girls generally do this. but few still do, especially with one who is lacking in the self-confidence department as i am.

so ladies, how does one get through this? i've tried dismissing the idea altogether. trying hard to believe that it's me that he has chosen. and that the past is the past. the weak point here, a leopard never changes its spots. once you're skeptical, you stay that way. so what did i do next? stare at fear in its eyes. looking at old photos of them together. sweet messages left for each other. (the internet is like one huge ass pandora box btw). this actually worked a bit for me. it was really heart-breaking at first, especially with kissing photos of them.. but after that, it just felt like, "awww". .. then "meh".. . then finally, "whatever". few days later.. i find myself going through the same cycle again.

i still haven't found a cure for this. i'm beginning to think that perhaps, there is a teeny tiny part of me that hungers for drama, subconsciously. sigh. but what i will do is.. work on my relationship. technically there is nothing to work on.. but you get what i mean. make it better. built trust. learn to believe in myself... in 'us'. believe that whatever we have is stronger. keep the back door slightly ajar for now since i'm not ready to close it completely.. yet. good luck to me.

simple truth.

you know how when you want cake, you can just buy the instant pre-mix in a box.. or if you've got the determination, you bake it from scratch?

so what about passion? what about chemistry? what about connection? can it be generated over time? i would think the answer is no. N-O, NO.

if we could, you'd still be stuck with the first love of your life.
get over it ladies. no "zha zha zhu" (carrie; sex & the city) = MOVE ON.

not making sense.

we all know sometimes love isn't enough. but why?

because it's not the right person? maybe when we finally meet the one, all worries and doubts are thrown out the window. and the back door vanishes because we'll never need it anymore. no more comparing. no more cold feet.

and then you start to wonder. what if then, all this while, we're just really settling for safe? that's why everything seems so easy. you and him, it fits.

so maybe you can look at it two ways. if you're a fighter and you've got nothing to lose, you always strive for the OTHER one. love will never be enough for you. but if you're also a fighter and you've got everything to lose, you always strive to keep THE one. love is always the reason for you.. this is the road rarely taken.