newage men

act#1. puppy dog eyes

i use to love those, and would usually give in to the first sight of them being used on me. now... who are we kidding? its like guys have secretly take action lessons or something! dont buy into it so easily, gurls.

act#2. make i-dont-wanna-lose-you proclaimations

how many of those who uses these lines actually mean it nowadays? and what is really the motivation behind it? as in, i dont wanna lose you... because? because their world would fall apart? because their life would have no meaning to it anymore? they cant possibly be serious; and you cant possibly buy into that shit. now here's 12 REAL "becauses":

x1. because if i lose you, i lose the ability to feel like a man becuz i dont have a girl by my side. ('A girl'; meaning not necessarily YOU)
x2. because if i lose you, i would feel like a loser for being ditched and i'd lose face in front of my friends.
x3. because if i lose you, i will have to start looking after myself and stop being a retard.
x4. because if i lose you, i cant get regular sex anymore.
x5. because if i lose you, i dont have someone making me feel important anymore.
x6. because if i lose you, i dont have a sure-backup plan when my other plans fall through.
x7. because if i lose you, i would have to do the chase all over again and i'm so lazy!
x8. because if i lose you, i have to start paying "full price" to impress a new girl and actually put effort to gain affection all over again.
x9. because if i lose you, i might not find someone else (or i havent found anyone else), and it would be 16 months before i get shagged again.
x10. because if i lose you, i will have to explain to my mum why another girl left me, and she'd get all worried again.
x11. because if i lose you, i will have to change so many routines that i've already became so mind-numbingly accustomed to.
x12. because if i lose you, who will nurse me when im sick and disgusting with dribbles running down my nose?

act #3. turning the tables

awesome how most of them hav the ability to do that now. its really their problem, but they make it sound like its ours. the question is directed to them, but they turn it over to make it seem like we need to answer it, and we're wrong for not doing so. and we stupidly feel guilty for it.

i had a man who decided to continue partying while i got caught in between two guys who were throwing punches at each other because of me. when i raised the issue of him not being around to protect me while i was in distraught, the told me i was hurting his feelings for accusing him of not trying when he did (or had his reasons to not be there), and blaming him when he actually did make an effort. (wtf?)

- and i actually hugged him and apologised for making him feel bad, saying that i should have acknowleged his effort. (double wtf)

are men getting smarter? or are we becoming dumber?

either way, the way guys are evolving is seriously turning me off. men use to be called liars, now they're way beyond that; so far beyond that, the word "liar" has become only 10% of their entire being. (while the other 90% is full of the other newage crap)

are we now forced to settle for less? - i dont know. your call.

.what i think are 'some' problems with men today.

dear readers

please be aware that IM RANTING. :)
don't mind my extreme generalizations.

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prob #1. too much emotional bagage

"my ex and i broke up, but she's still a great friend. she'll always have a special place in my heart. we broke up becuz (insert dramatic event here). if not for that, i think we'd still be together."

well, yea. i dont need to know that. i dont need to know some 'other' girl changed your life, and you owe every emotional growth to her. i dont need to know that there's someone out there with the power to grab your heart from me, as soon as she decides to come back to you.

i dont need to feel like i'm second best to your great lost love. i dont need to be reminded that i can never take her place. i dont need to know that you were happiest with her, but i'm "sweet" too. i dont need to know that becuz of her, you can't love me as much as you know u can.

i am ME. see me for ME. love me for ME. be with me becuz u can't wait to create and build memories with me. if you cant drop the bagage, at least try shutting up about it; or dont mind me becoming little miss-insecure.


prob #2. too much influence from friends

i know they'd make comments about me. they'd tell u if i'm hot, and they'd make you go out and hunt more if they think i'm not. they'd call you a pussy becuz u wouldn't f*** another girl behind my back. they'd tell you that your freedom is gone. they'd tell you "your girlfriend won't find out".

they'd tell you life is too short to stay with one girl. they'd pressure you that "this is your chance with a hot babe. you'd regret if u turn ur back on this chance!" they'd tell you that you can do better. they'd tell you that you're a loser for spending too much time with me. they'd tell you life just started when you turn 30.

but there's also things they dont tell u. like how extremely envious they are of you becuz you've got someone you can always rely on. that someone would always be there to listen, to hold you and make you feel wanted. that when you're sick, someone would willingly nurse u well, and hold ur hands when the rest of the world turn their backs on u. that when u want love, u dont have to look far and hard. that someone sees you as their world; while they're stuck with their massive ego, loud mouth and stale penises.

really, guys, take a step back and think about it. they can't make u feel what i can. they don't know me like you do. only u know whats between us. at the end of the day, when you're old and alone, they're not gonna be there to say "sorry man. shudn't hav told u to break up with her. she was pretty awesome. i guess there wasn't anyone better. tough luck." - and by then, guess what? you've lost me.


prob #3. too greedy

i thought this only applied to cute guys. guys who had the ability to switch girlfriends every week. but now i realised, some ugly men with great hearts can be like this too. they're lucky enough to find a girl who worships them, only to cause his ego to grow bigger, hence made him think "i can do better".

one fact guys fail to realise. average guys are more attactive to other girls ONLY CUZ they've got a girl in their arms. girls (especially single girls) tend to scout their opposition (usually another girl who's around their level in terms of looks and style), then check out the man that girl is with, and think they deserve at least something like that too. OR the taken man just seem more appealing becuz he's taken.

so, you think you will remain attractive when you're single and giving out desperate vibes all over again? you think you can do better than what you have? you think girls like me fall for you everyday? - seriously think again.


prob #4. too overly confident

this links to the above. guys nowadays no longer appreaciate the fact that their girlfriend loves them. they no longer appreciate the chance they've been given to be with such a wonderful girl (who probably possesses bad habits which really are only normal to every human being).

they no longer have that "i'm the luckiest man alive" mentality when they meet someone whom they click with, who loves them, cares about them, and accepts them; unless they're dating a hot babe wit no brains, who probably wakes up every morning feeling insecure becuz she's afraid of losing her beauty. (becuz when that happens, its goodbye to their passport to get through life.)

im not a super babe. but i'd still like to think i'm with a man who thinks i am. i'd most certainly feel like the luckiest girl alive when i'm with him; but i dont need HIM thinking im the luckiest girl to have HIM. leave that to me.

how it starts and how you'd know

how does you're relationships start?

#1 he's tried to court you for a long time.

give yourself a pat on the back, he's a keeper! ...for now.


#2 you've had your eye on him for a while, he finally gave in.

a. he could have finally "got to know you" and decide that you're good enough.

b. he looked around longer and told himself, "she seems like a good deal...for now."

c. he wants some action and you're willingly around.


#3 you spot him, he spots you . unsure of what he feels, you express yourself and then he says he loves you too.

a. he could be thinking, "well, she likes me. why not give it a shot?"

here is where i think a 3month rule would apply. notice i said, "you spot him, he spots you." it means it was a at-first-sight sort of thing so if two people gets into a relationship, the first 3 months would be the make-it-or-break-it. get past the first 3 months, i can guarantee you'll last longer than 13 weeks. ;)


conclusions.

#1 which ever way it starts, how are you sure he really loves you?

a. if he courts you for a long time, 99% chances are he really cares for you. if not, he's mentally ill for chasing after something he doesnt really care about. i'm sure we all agree on this.

b. he finally gives in. 50/50 chance.

c. at-first-side effect, can be split into two sub categories.
i) you admit you like him first : he could just be like i said before, trying his luck with you since you like him too. he doesnt lose anything.
ii) he admits he likes you first : he still could be trying his luck, just not as certain that you would feel the same way. he might lose face but he wont hurt as much you as you think he would.

i actually want to focus on the at-first-side effect and the girl being the one that confesses she likes the guy first, most of the time the guy would just go along with that girl. i wonder why is that? is it that, as long as it is a girl, a guy would not reject at all? (with the physical appearance checked out - for the typical "shallowish" guy)

when its not the guy who pursues a girl - it usually is a girl developing feelings for a guy first & the when the boy finds out, he'll (like i said before) try his luck. so my real question here is this :
how do you know if he really cares for you? because if he starts to date you mainly because you already had feelings for him and he wouldnt have to put in any effort into chasing after you, where does his heart really lie?

does a guys feelings really only slowly develop after they GET into a relationship? or is that a basis of a relationship doomed for failure?

the three month rule

so a friend pointed out something recently which brings me to question.

#1 is there a 3 month period?

explanation : when you finally get into a relationship. is the first 3 months of the relationship just "getting to know each other period?" is this the make it or break it period?

okay so thats obviously one way of seeing it. doesnt matter how long you've known someone as a friend because having a person as a friend and having them as a boyfriend/girlfriend is a totally different thing. they may act a certain way when you're still friends and then they may act a certain way when their in a relationship, so the first 3 months is the testing period and it will come down to the do or die question : does she/he work as a couple?

#2 is there another perception of the 3 month period?

yes. of course.

some people may see the first 3 months as the honeymoon period. same goes for people who get married and newlyweds are always seen much happier than those who've been married for a while. (in most cases that is)

but somehow for me, it comes down to the same thing. it may be all butterflies and kisses the first few months then reality kicks in & things go sour.

okay so my real question here is,
is there some kind of unspoken 3-month rule that i've just recently heard about because it seems to make a little sense to me - i just wish i could know more. & if there isnt. well, i guess we girls can now start using this 3 month rule because in a way, it seems like a damn good way to prevent a bad relationship from continuing.

#3 does a three-month-rule exist?

who's here to stick around for real?

ques.1 - why are men so different?

random: three guys - jake, carl and bob.

{jack is there for you whenever you need him. it could be miles out of his way, but he's there to pick you up anyway. he gets along with your family and you're beyond comfortable around him. you guys can cuddle up, but you feel no sexual connections. just comfort. extreme comfort. your family loves him too, and he treats your family very nice as well. he listens, he shares, he says things to make you feel special. he's like a best male friend. you know you can rely on him.}

{carl is someone you can't take your hands off. and he can't take his hands off you. you guys have so much chemistry and passion, others around you notice and wish you both would just screw already and get it over with. you guys share the same ambitions but rarely ever have decent conversations which do not lead to horny talks. at this point, he's totally in for a fling, but states clearly that he's not in it for the long run, although he shows many signs of being more conservative than he really is. all talk, no action.}

{bob is a random nice guy that you met from friends. you do not know much about him or his past because he isn't as open as carl, and isn't as close as jake. bob, on the outside, seem like the kind of guy you would bring home to mum. he's soft spoken and very careful about the way he acts in front of you. he seems genuinely interested to get to know you better. he does little sweet gestures to make you smile, and you guys are able to share lengthy conversations about the most random things. passion is low but sweetness is high.}


So, which guy is here for keeps? or a better question would be, which guy is mr.right? or do we even have to choose from these 3 guys? but if we don't and the moment passes and you lose all 3... could chances be you've thrown your right guy out the window? or is this where you close your eyes and tell yourself to keep waiting because mr.right isn't here yet?

what does it mean to you?

correct me if i'm wrong but i'm sure everyone knows what being "in a relationship" means, no?

see for me, being in a relationship means 2 people are exclusive and there are no more options to consider. somehow in the twenty first century, people are starting all that "open relationship" sort of things, what IS the point? the whole meaning of RELATIONSHIP is to be exclusive, no? why do you want to label your relationship with the world "relationship" if it has nothing to do with being exclusive? its like ordering sushi without the rice. doesnt make sense does it?


"... you're always going to learn new things about each other despite being in one or without. the difference is, do i want to get to know you on a whole different level than just as friends. i want to know you inside out, learn to accept and appreciate your every flaw or perfection, be with you every step of the way, I WANT TO LEARN YOU AS MINE."

if you're in a relationship and only talk to your partner about things you talk to your friends with, how is your boyfriend any different from other friends who are boys? i wouldnt phrase it as "i want to learn you as mine" but "I WANT TO KNOW YOU MORE EMOTIONALLY, i want to you know you're hopes and dreams. i want to know what makes you tick." isnt that what really separates a boyfriend and a normal friend? basically if a guy doesnt care to know you in detail, i dont really know what he wants from you anymore because (correct me if i'm wrong) the point of being in a relationship is NOT just for fun.

but i dont want to sound like a hypocrite or anything, if it's just for casual relationships ... which is usually the case because (speaking for people in my age group) we're not in it for it to last for a lifetime. we're basically just looking around & for how ever long period of time we want to stick to that person really depends on an individual BUT even if its just a casual relationship, i dont see why the same concept shouldnt be applied. why shouldnt you share intimate details? why shouldnt you focus on that one person and not constantly scouting for other options?

now tell me, what does a relationship mean to you?

xxx
on a different note - when a guy says, "i'm afraid when we get to know each other, we would come to realise we arent right for each other." well, sorry buddy. thats one weak ass statement because guess what? theres something called a break up. which every normal human being goes through, you cant expect to BOOM! meet someone totally compatible with you, get married & live happily ever after. coz if thats what you had in mind, then oh god are you naive.

plus . isnt trial and error all part of life?


"... lame ass excuses such as "don't wanna ruin the friendship" and "i'm not ready for commitments" should really only translate to mean you're not the one they want."

when a guy says, "im afraid being exclusive would ruin our friendship." heres what comes to my mind. it wouldnt ruin our friendship is we dont break up (which is inevitable & totally naive to think it wont happen) but, correct me if i'm wrong, at that point where he says that - we are not actually together yet, yes? so it means that you havent become a couple & already he is thinking of breaking up with you. now tell me, what does that mean to you?

so when a guy says, "i'm afraid of ruining our friendship." he's actually saying, "i dont feel strongly enough for you to make it work and im 50/50 on if it would end badly and im just afraid that i would meet someone else i'd rather get with & it would mean i can no longer enjoy your company & lose my chance with you ultimately." & he'll be hoping that his statement would make you think that he cares so much about you & so you'll give him the benefit of a doubt. truth is, as naive or clueless guys portray themselves to be, their not really as dumb as we think they are.


"... if there's one thing guys have learn from 'the complicatedness' of girls, its their ability to "not mean what they say". we (girls) have read dozens of articles on how guys complain "girls say one thing, but mean another"

so let me get this straight . from my POV it means that guys ARE aware that girls dont mean what they say, right? so why do they act so clueless when when we say something we obviously dont mean.

is this because the dont care enough to figure out whats wrong? does that mean, that person who doesnt bother to dig deeper isnt as into us as we thought they are. does that mean that a guy who really cares for you would care more about us to dig deeper?

thoughts? ...


lastly .
there ARE many fishes in the sea. duh! but what if there is ONLY one type of fish that you want. see its easy for us to say "move on if the guy doesnt give a shit because theres bound to be other guys who will." but what if the other guys who gives a damn are guys we dont give a damn about in return?

what do you do then?