so rarely have i found a song that so coincides with EXACTLY how i feel at the moment. and that song for me right now is marit's (of m2m) "under the surface".
she sings about how a girl feels content with her new found love. doubting that he could be real. and most importantly, keeps wondering his ex: comparison.
it's bad. it's the worst thing ever to feel this way. one might even call it self-abuse, really. i mean come on, the guy is already with you. he chose to move on with you. he left his past. he loves you NOW. and that should be all that matters. and yet.. why. why do girls compare? i guess it's human nature to. comparing is healthy sometimes. it teaches you a thing or two. if in the past you had a guy who would go that extra mile for you.. and this new guy can't, then obviously, you're not settling for what you could achieve.
but it's a whole different story now. you're the one doing the comparison. you become the one being compared to. well technically, you don't know that. do guys even compare really? we'll never know. so what do girls do? they take it in their hands to make the comparison to their guy's ex. not all girls generally do this. but few still do, especially with one who is lacking in the self-confidence department as i am.
so ladies, how does one get through this? i've tried dismissing the idea altogether. trying hard to believe that it's me that he has chosen. and that the past is the past. the weak point here, a leopard never changes its spots. once you're skeptical, you stay that way. so what did i do next? stare at fear in its eyes. looking at old photos of them together. sweet messages left for each other. (the internet is like one huge ass pandora box btw). this actually worked a bit for me. it was really heart-breaking at first, especially with kissing photos of them.. but after that, it just felt like, "awww". .. then "meh".. . then finally, "whatever". few days later.. i find myself going through the same cycle again.
i still haven't found a cure for this. i'm beginning to think that perhaps, there is a teeny tiny part of me that hungers for drama, subconsciously. sigh. but what i will do is.. work on my relationship. technically there is nothing to work on.. but you get what i mean. make it better. built trust. learn to believe in myself... in 'us'. believe that whatever we have is stronger. keep the back door slightly ajar for now since i'm not ready to close it completely.. yet. good luck to me.
she sings about how a girl feels content with her new found love. doubting that he could be real. and most importantly, keeps wondering his ex: comparison.
it's bad. it's the worst thing ever to feel this way. one might even call it self-abuse, really. i mean come on, the guy is already with you. he chose to move on with you. he left his past. he loves you NOW. and that should be all that matters. and yet.. why. why do girls compare? i guess it's human nature to. comparing is healthy sometimes. it teaches you a thing or two. if in the past you had a guy who would go that extra mile for you.. and this new guy can't, then obviously, you're not settling for what you could achieve.
but it's a whole different story now. you're the one doing the comparison. you become the one being compared to. well technically, you don't know that. do guys even compare really? we'll never know. so what do girls do? they take it in their hands to make the comparison to their guy's ex. not all girls generally do this. but few still do, especially with one who is lacking in the self-confidence department as i am.
so ladies, how does one get through this? i've tried dismissing the idea altogether. trying hard to believe that it's me that he has chosen. and that the past is the past. the weak point here, a leopard never changes its spots. once you're skeptical, you stay that way. so what did i do next? stare at fear in its eyes. looking at old photos of them together. sweet messages left for each other. (the internet is like one huge ass pandora box btw). this actually worked a bit for me. it was really heart-breaking at first, especially with kissing photos of them.. but after that, it just felt like, "awww". .. then "meh".. . then finally, "whatever". few days later.. i find myself going through the same cycle again.
i still haven't found a cure for this. i'm beginning to think that perhaps, there is a teeny tiny part of me that hungers for drama, subconsciously. sigh. but what i will do is.. work on my relationship. technically there is nothing to work on.. but you get what i mean. make it better. built trust. learn to believe in myself... in 'us'. believe that whatever we have is stronger. keep the back door slightly ajar for now since i'm not ready to close it completely.. yet. good luck to me.
1 comments:
im where u at now. my other half just expressed out loud that his "soulmate" is getting engaged to someone else.
that girl is not me. hoorah. :(
are these people really broken for future people like how p.s. i love you said? like, they've given it all.. now we're just left with the scraps? double hoorah. :( :(
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