reformation; gone wrong

this post may not appear educational on the outset, but i believe deep down, underlying all the confusions, there definitely is a lesson to learn. u know, some may say the lesson is obvious, but i guess u have to be in it to understand how "cloud 9" really can screw you over.

x. what happened...

i just got "semi off" my recent cloud 9. how i spent the past 10 days can only be describe as me, living someone else's life. my attempt to reform came to a sudden halt when i was sucked into yet another whirlwind of drama, scandal, deceitful, futureless "arrangement" with a member of the opposite sex.

x. the situation...

he had a girlfriend who was far away, whom he hasn't really started with; also whom he will be reunited with in a short 2 months. i, on the other hand, was offered the position of the girl he was mysteriously drawn to, whom he was convinced if he never "got to know", he'd spend the rest of his life, thinking "what if"; also whom he will only have 2 short months with.

everyone knows where this is heading rite?

x. how it worked...

girlfriend is left in the dark, boyfriend convinces new girl to become his mistress with his confident exclaimations of genuine passion and hopelessness to her charms; girl consciously knows if she agrees, she'd have to deal with her feelings by the end of the two months; she becomes afraid, but gives in to him at the end because his words and promises, and her wishful nonexistent hopes has left her limp and fragile.

x. what went wrong...

so they enter into the "arrangement"... only to realise, 10 days was sufficient to drive their emotions out of hand. the "fun" aspect quickly got washed over by doubts, greed and insecurities. she was never sure how much to give, ending up cold and hot to him all the time. guy persists to convince the girl that they just need to let go and live the dream; to forget about the 2 months expiration date, but at the same time, he was clinging on to his faraway girlfriend and expected the girl to be fine with everything.

... 10 days.

x. how it ended...

10 days later, girl gets a call from the guy. "its not working out. its too hard." girl puts on her cold side and accepted without as much as a sigh. this probably convinced the guy he did the right thing. the phone clicks off...

... a tear rolls down the girl's face. she felt so stupid.